It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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