Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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