This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
