there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize