....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
