susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
