I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
