There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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