I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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