why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
