You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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