i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
