She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You had me at "let me see your balls"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
