He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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