I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He better not be in your backpack
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
