Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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