like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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