Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
