I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize