he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
