One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
