so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
