he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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