So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
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