just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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