Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
