Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
