they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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