even my farts smell like vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
