I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
