I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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