Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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