He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
