I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
