ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
