What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
