I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
