I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize