Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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