Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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