y did u give ur computer a hand job?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
