I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
