apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
