after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize