Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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