The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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