I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
