Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
