WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
