Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
