see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
