The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize