I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
