Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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