Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
