Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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