One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
