I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im holly from the hills drunk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
