this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
