I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
