I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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