I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
