Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
