Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
