So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
