How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
